Janelle

I bought some shoes on ebay. The listing said that the shoes were size 6. Instead they were a size 7 1/2. Therefore, of course, they don't fit and are useless to me. And the mistake is the seller's fault, not mine.

The seller has offered to refund the cost of the shoes, as well as the original shipping cost to send the shoes to me. BUT only if I ship the shoes back to him, which is something I'll have to pay to do. That's going to cost me money.

I think that if its because of a mistake in the listing, rather than a whim of mine, then I shouldn't have to pay to ship the shoes back. Why should I take a financial loss, if the listing was inaccurate to the point that the item is useless to me?

But I don't know how these things usually get resolved. If there is a significant error in the item listing, do ebay sellers usually offer to pay the return shipping as well? Or is it standard to refund both cost of item plus shipping, but to force the buyer to pay to return the item out of the buyer's own pocket?

guy 1 - my ex boyfriend, we've known each other for six years. College sweethearts, he was my first, and he is a great lover. He's very romantic and open and expressive, and he is incredibly devoted to me. He wants nothing more than to marry me and have children with me.

But he doesn't do enough with his life. He's 26, and full of promises of employment and degrees, but, in the time I've known him, he's never held a job for more than a few months, and he's never taken more than a class or two at the community college. I love the fantasy of married family life with him, but I worry that I can't trust him to follow through on education and employment if I've never seen it. Also, in general, it is a turn-off that he isn't the kind of guy to get out there in the world and make things happen. He complains so much about his mom, and yet he lives in her home year after year, allowing her to support him. He seems to be most comfortable as the victim, the longsuffering martyr, not only of his mother but of me, who keeps him waiting too long.

guy 2 - I've dated him for almost 6 months. He was a coworker. He's incredibly smart, very good looking, and tons of fun. He makes a point to get out, have fun, do stuff, and if nobody will go with him, he goes by himself. He's lived on his own ever since becoming an adult, and he will pick a new city and just up and move, when the urge strikes him. He's lived all over and experienced it all. He's done a lot with himself too - he has a bachelor's degree and an impressive resume of work in the mental health field, as well as the same career goals as myself. He's been slow to let on how he feels, but I know by now that he's fallen for me and he wants to be with me.

But he has issues too. Mostly addiction. The first months were tumultuous because he was sliding back into street drugs and hiding it from me, as well as drinking too much. He's trying - claiming - to clean himself up now, but it's mostly limiting his use, not stopping altogether. The substance use is the reason why he lost his job here and had to move away. He's lost his job, his credit, his car. But even with nothing to his name, he still decided to pick up and move to New Orleans and start over. I admire that - even with nothing, he'll find cash work and he'll get by somehow. Unlike guy 1 who always has an excuse why he's stuck.

Guy 2 is the one who I feel "in love" with, in the infatuated, think about him all the time, sense. Guy 1 is the one who I connect with better, who I can talk to more easily.

Sometimes I think they both suck. But I'm not getting over either of them anytime soon. Which would you choose?

long story short. I've just started a new relationship. It's just starting to become clear, though, that he drinks way too much. There have been three incidents where he urinated in his sleep after a night of drinking. The first time I didnt' care - we were in a crappy, crappy dive of a hotel and it wasn't my problem, besides he was so embarrassed. The second time was in MY bed, and I was thoroughly freaked out and upset. The third time just barely happened. Once again in my bed. After I had specifically warned him that if this happens again I'm not sure if I can continue the relationship. I told him this RIGHT before he went out to the bars and he promised to keep it under control. He stays at the bars for 3 hours. He comes back, and middle of the night, this happens.

I'm ready to give him an ultimatum...alcoholics anonymous, treatment, and no more alcohol at all, or else we end the relationship.

But if this is a medical problem instead, I hate to come down so hard

this isn't the first time it's happened. We were out of town and in this really gross hotel, and he peed the bed in his sleep after a night of drinking. He was embarrassed and explained the next morning that it's because of drinking. But he said that there's something about being at another person's place where he doesn't let himself get into such a deep sleep, so it would never happen at my place.

Except then it DID happen at my place, last night. We were asleep and cuddled up together, so I felt it right away and woke him up quickly. Thank god for that - I was able to clean it right away instead of letting it soak in all night. I have an expensive mattress too, damn it.

He wasn't that drunk either. We had talked for an hour before falling asleep earlier. Yet, he didn't do anything. He kind of moved over, cleaned himself up, went to pee in the toilet, then curled up at the foot of the bed while I did all the work. Didn't apologize, didn't offer to help. wtf?

long story short. New guy at work is hot. Subtle flirting. He gives me his number, but gives it to everyone else too. I call him and invite him to a party. He comes. We get drunk. We go to a club. We make out. I fall asleep at his place, we spend the night on his couch. No sex, just making out.

Next day at work I find that my crush has turned into infatuation - all he has to do is look at me and my heart rate goes up for an hour. If he talks to me, I'm in heaven all day. And, until he talks to me, I get more and more stressed and anxious.

Everything's going fine. We only just met. He probably isn't SO great, it's just that since I don't know him, he's a fantasy, and fantasies are always great.

But these things take time. But I have no patience. I want him now. I can't sleep because I keep obsessing over how much I want him.

I feel crazy. This is not the sane, normal, calm person I usually am. I like it, but I don't either. Have you felt this way?

I am attracted to him because he just, up and moved one day. He got a job across the nation and moved to town not knowing anybody. Found a crappy rent-by-the-week apartment to crash in, in a really rundown part of town, and arrived with some clothes in the trunk and that's it. He goes out by himself, meets people quickly, and soon he's got all the social life he needs.

Ok I'm also attracted to him because he's hot.

But he knows he's hot. He's confident, he knows he can get girls. We went out, we got drunk, we kissed. He made some comments about sleeping with me. I made it clear that I take time before you get me to that point. But he's still so sure that he'll eventually sleep with me.

In my head its like, ok, why would a guy like that want or need only one woman? He can get many women, so easily, so quickly, why commit to one?

But he's exactly my type. He's really hot. He's fun. He treated me well. Any chance it could work?

The numbers being reported now put him nearly 100 delegates UNDER Clinton...but then I think they are giving a lot of delegates to Clinton before the results are in to justify it...even so, this is looking bad for Obama...

What are the pundits saying? Are Obama and Clinton still neck and neck? Does Obama still have a shot at the white house? Is it still one of those things where either of them could jump ahead in the end, or, is Clinton clearly the frontrunner after tonight?The numbers being reported now put him nearly 100 delegates UNDER Clinton...but then I think they are giving a lot of delegates to Clinton before the results are in to justify it...even so, this is looking bad for Obama...

What are the pundits saying? Are Obama and Clinton still neck and neck? Does Obama still have a shot at the white house after Super Tuesday's results? Is it still one of those things where either of them could jump ahead in the end, or, is Clinton clearly the frontrunner after tonight?

If you met a guy, and you were interested in him, but then you found out that in the past he has slept with a prostitute, would this change your mind about him? Would you be able to move past it? Does it make a difference if it was a one-time thing, or if he has made a habit of it during dry spells?

I always try to say nice things and not blame during arguments, I'm always trying to make up and find common ground. And he just gets angrier and angrier, and then pulls away into silence.

Recently I was kind of fed up. When he'd say mean things, I'd come back defending myself. And suddenly he'd start trying to say things to make up and apologize and be nice!

So on the one hand this could be a good thing...now I know how to keep from feeling trampled all over in these arguments. I just need to stand up for myself and say it how it is and not worry about being nice.

But thats not the relationship I want. I want a relationship where we both speak kindly to each other, where we are both considerate and try to understand each other, instead of constantly defending and attacking.

What does it mean, what should I do? Anyone else been in a similar situation?

I have to give some background. I dated J for a few years while I was in college. I graduated. Eventually I broke up with him because of lots of problems (no ambition, paid very little attention to me, immersed in video games).

Next I dated M for 3 years. He was great, the "checklist" of a perfect guy. But our sex life just didn't feel the same. He wasn't doing anything wrong, but he had no enthusiasm, he was very repressed, just couldn't let go and be himself. I stopped wanting sex at all. Ultimately it broke us up.

Started talking to J again. Learned he never got over me, that I am "the girl that got away", and all these promises of how much he has changed. So I got back with him.

He hasn't changed quite as much as he promised. There's tons of power struggles. He always has to be right. Often I feel very lonely. But the sex is out of this world.

So, how rare is great sex? I've only had 2 guys ever. I'm afraid if I leave J, I'll never have great sex again.

I try to argue "well". I use "I" statements. I talk about my own feelings and what I need. Everything I say, I'm thinking about working together to solve the problem. I phrase things carefully to avoid blame.

He, however, gets very sarcastic. His tone of voice suggests that I'm a moron for not already agreeing with whatever he's saying. And it doesn't matter how non-blaming my statement was, he always comes back with some statement justifying himself and blaming me.

This is only during arguments. He's very sweet and romantic to me when we aren't fighting. Arguments don't last long, and haven't yet been about anything important. We usually make up by saying we regret the argument and being affectionate later. But we never resolve the issue, and we can't figure out how to avoid these problems in the first place.

I think I know how to solve the issues. He needs to learn communication skills. But if I tell him this, he'll be defensive. What should I do? Can it work?

I want to move. I want the west, I want nature, I want rain, I want a big liberal city. All descriptions point to either Portland, Vancouver, or Seattle. So I'm looking them up.

I've found that if something exists, there's a group for it on Flickr. So I'm trying to find pictures of these cities there. And from what I can tell, there is no such thing as Downtown Portland. The closest I can find is this: http://www.flickr.com/photos/habibi/218535469/in/p...

so, does portland even have a downtown worth speaking of? According to flickr, it really doesn't exist. And I dont think I could ever settle somewhere without a downtown worth speaking of.

I have a christmas tree but no ornaments. Any easy/cheap ideas about how to decorate a tree without spending a fortune?

I've never quite understood exactly what purpose is being served by our presence there.

Would you break up with someone that you love, if the sex sucked?

I'm 25, he's 28. We've been together 2 1/2 yrs. He's generally a great guy, and has been a good boyfriend.

My reason for breaking up is that he is so repressed. His number one goal in life, and in relationships, is to avoid conflict. His parents are divorced and spent his whole childhood fighting each other. His mom would yell at him for stupid reasons, no matter how "good" he was. He's formed his entire personality around avoiding these kinds of conflicts. It's not just a matter of avoiding fights. He also is very unopinionated, that way nobody will disagree with him. He hates to talk about the relationship, even good stuff. He won't tell me anything about his true thoughts, feelings, weaknesses, etc because this makes him vulnerable, which makes him feel powerless.

I asked him for more passion, I tried to work on this with him. He tried halfheartedly. We broke up. THEN, he started writing me these VERY passionate letters saying everything I wanted him to say. But