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Which guy would you choose?
guy 1 - my ex boyfriend, we've known each other for six years. College sweethearts, he was my first, and he is a great lover. He's very romantic and open and expressive, and he is incredibly devoted to me. He wants nothing more than to marry me and have children with me.
But he doesn't do enough with his life. He's 26, and full of promises of employment and degrees, but, in the time I've known him, he's never held a job for more than a few months, and he's never taken more than a class or two at the community college. I love the fantasy of married family life with him, but I worry that I can't trust him to follow through on education and employment if I've never seen it. Also, in general, it is a turn-off that he isn't the kind of guy to get out there in the world and make things happen. He complains so much about his mom, and yet he lives in her home year after year, allowing her to support him. He seems to be most comfortable as the victim, the longsuffering martyr, not only of his mother but of me, who keeps him waiting too long.
guy 2 - I've dated him for almost 6 months. He was a coworker. He's incredibly smart, very good looking, and tons of fun. He makes a point to get out, have fun, do stuff, and if nobody will go with him, he goes by himself. He's lived on his own ever since becoming an adult, and he will pick a new city and just up and move, when the urge strikes him. He's lived all over and experienced it all. He's done a lot with himself too - he has a bachelor's degree and an impressive resume of work in the mental health field, as well as the same career goals as myself. He's been slow to let on how he feels, but I know by now that he's fallen for me and he wants to be with me.
But he has issues too. Mostly addiction. The first months were tumultuous because he was sliding back into street drugs and hiding it from me, as well as drinking too much. He's trying - claiming - to clean himself up now, but it's mostly limiting his use, not stopping altogether. The substance use is the reason why he lost his job here and had to move away. He's lost his job, his credit, his car. But even with nothing to his name, he still decided to pick up and move to New Orleans and start over. I admire that - even with nothing, he'll find cash work and he'll get by somehow. Unlike guy 1 who always has an excuse why he's stuck.
Guy 2 is the one who I feel "in love" with, in the infatuated, think about him all the time, sense. Guy 1 is the one who I connect with better, who I can talk to more easily.
Sometimes I think they both suck. But I'm not getting over either of them anytime soon. Which would you choose?
11 個解答
- 1 十年前最愛解答
Come on! Why are you wasting your time with either one of these losers?
Your young and have your whole life ahead of you and you are sacrificing your life for some bumpkin(s) that just fell off the turnip truck. Get a real life.
- *kwah*Lv 51 十年前
Give them the test. Let each set up a date for you and he and see how you feel about each of them after the evening is over, don't go to bed with either. Save that for the winner. I'll say this much, I've known many guys and girls that have done drugs and other things and have cleaned up very nicely in the end. Once they made the decision to straighten up they did. I did! They both both sound like good catches. Although, the drifter type may decide to drift off again. What will you do then. Go with him or not? You've got major decisions to make.
It's good to hear from you, I wondered where you were.
- 1 十年前
To be honest with you, I'd get rid of both of them. First of all, why would you want to spend any amount of time with a drug addict that's not in their recovery process? Second, why would you want to spend time with a lazy guy who has no motivation?
You have to start thinking about the future: you're a woman and you'd basically be supporting both guys financially and emotionally without getting much back for the effort.
The best thing to do would be to cut ties completely with both and not speak to them for at least 3 months. In that time, clear your head and realize what it is you want in a man.
You want a guy who is outgoing and adventurous, you want someone you can talk to easily but who doesn't complain and has a positive outlook on life, and who takes initiative and has goals. You can find this in a person, and you will when you're ready. You just have to be smart enough to go for it and not weigh yourself down with these 2 boys who are not well enough to become men.
P.S. This "The substance use is the reason why he lost his job here and had to move away. He's lost his job, his credit, his car. But even with nothing to his name, he still decided to pick up and move to New Orleans and start over." is not something to admire. This is the sign of a drug addict who has abused every resource around him and knows that it's time to move to a new city and mooch off of new people until they become wise to his game.
P.P.S. This "He complains so much about his mom, and yet he lives in her home year after year, allowing her to support him. He seems to be most comfortable as the victim, the longsuffering martyr, not only of his mother but of me, who keeps him waiting too long." is the sign of a perpetual child who will only move on to a new woman who will support him while he continues to be lazy. This was my ex boyfriend and I can honestly say that your guy WON'T change. Why would he have to if you were supporting him? I used to get so angry at my ex because he has potential but was lazy, and then I realized that he would never change and that he basically substituted me for his mother, even down to allowing me to pay his way.
Get out while you can!
- 1 十年前
I would choose guy 1. I don't think you want to have to deal with the 2nd guys spontaneity and his addictions. guy 1 may have problems with getting a job and he may live with his mom, but people will grow up and grow out of that. And TRUST ME. It is more important to connect and be able to talk to someone, than to "feel" in love. And the best part is, is that guy 1 seems to love you a lot and he's ready to move on and start a life with you. I think Guy 1 is the best choice. Best of luck!
- 1 十年前
omg im in the same situation!!!!! and i posted a question about it too so check out the answers to mine if it helps :)
for your case though, i think guy 2 is better because he's more dependable to get things done, has more initiative which will work out good for you if you ever get married with him. seems like guy 1, although you've known him for a long time, isn't going to change anytime..
- 匿名1 十年前
def do not go with guy number 2 unless he is completley sobered up!! dealing with a drug addict when you are thinking about having a family is just all around a bad idea. also your infatuation with him might just be because he somewhat falls under the "bad boy" category. however, guy number 1 really should get his act together, if he really loves you like you said, then he should be willing to find a job and stick with it so that he can support you/family. personal opinion: i think you should forget them both and find a guy who is willing to do what ever it is to make you happy =]
資料來源: just using my nogin - 1 十年前
Well, I think this is a hard one. I would'nt want to be with a person who has a drug problem, they can become very dangerous. I think you should stay with Mr1. Maybe you can give him try to motivate him and see what he likes to do and help him stick to it.
I might on the other hand start with Mr 3
- 1 十年前
guy 2.
drug addictions are easier to get over than being dependent on other people. because drugs are material, and they cost money, and just i have many friends who have gotten over drug addictions, i always have friends who are dependent on their parents, and they have not gotten over that. if you are in love with guy number 2 go for him.
even though i really don't think you are in love with him, otherwise you wouldn't have to be asking this question...you would know he was the one for you.
- 1 十年前
i am so in ur boat and i picked guy 1.. u will realise wen its to late that hes the guy 4 u.. 26 is still very young and he will change as he gets older
- 1 十年前
if guy 2 wont stop for you then he doenst love you.
guy 1 seems like he likes you a lot mkore an dyou can go far in life with him...soo..id say guy 1