Should my sister look at her fiance's open casket at his funeral/viewing? Or keep her memories of him instead.?

You are a wonderful sister to want to help your sister so much. This has got to be her decision, as hard as it must be. Everyone handles death differently and your sister may not know how she will handle it until she comes face to face with it.

Pro: It will provide her a more tangible sense of closure and the chance to see him again and say goodbye face to face.

Con: It may be too emotionally draining and physically traumatic for her to see the man she loves so much in a casket.

Talk to her calmly and rationally in a quiet place away from others. This in itself may be very difficult to do, but try your best. If she honestly feels she wants to see him, then let her try as long as someone is with her when she approaches his body. She may well be able to say goodbye to him and make it through without hesitation. However, be prepared to be full support if the situation overwhelms her or if she changes her mind at the last moment.

This will be very difficult for everyone involved and I am so sorry that you and your family have to deal with such a sad situation. All I can say is that at least he is not suffering extreme pain and, as hard or even impossible as it may seem right now, as time passes, the sorrow will temper and give way to the memories of happiness and love that will always remain no matter how much time passes.

I wish your sister, your family and his family peace and consolation in the days, weeks and months to come.

I understand your concern about her seeing him in the casket, it does leave an impression. but truthfully, you won't be able to stop her from looking, it's like a last goodbye and she will need that. It does make more sense to just remember him as old good memories, but it's impossible to not go to him. It's just...I don't really know. But what you should do is stay by her side at every moment of the veiwing and funeral. There will be times when she acts likes she's holding up one minute and then the next she's breaking down again. Little things remind you of that person and it just gets to you and you can't believe where you are. So stay by her side, especially going to the casket. She will break down completely the first time she sees him, be prepared, but don't try to stop her from seeing him. This is something she will never forget, no matter if she sees him or not, it's an awful memory that stays with you. Just be there for her a shoulder to cry on.

Good luck, and i'm sorry for your loss.

It's sort of a catch 22 and depends on the person. Seeing the body in a casket can help a person face the fact that the person is actually dead.

and maybe even help to say goodbye. They don't look "plastic" so much (imho), they just look asleep.

It's totally up to your sister. I doubt viewing the body would create ill psychological effects - if that were the case, no one would ever hold an open casket viewing.

I suggest you ask your sister if she wants to look. Period. This would totally be up to her. Even in grief, people inwardly know what's best for themselves.

I am sorry to hear about your sister's loss. She is very lucky to have you by her side during this terrible ordeal to help her through it.

As far as whether or not to look into the casket, that is really a personal choice for her. Some people find that looking at the body in the casket gives them a sense of closure, of the reality of the situation. By seeing their loved one deceased, they are able to fully experience their grief, and fully move past it. Other people find that looking at the dead body tarnishes their living memories of the person, and they would rather have their last memory of that person be of them alive, rather than lying dead in a casket. Everyone feels differently about it, and she might not know until she walks up to it whether or not she wants to look in. Some people feel that morbid curiosity, while others want nothing to do with it.

If she asks you what she should do, encourage her to do whatever feels right. She might decline to look at it in the beginning, then go take a peek later on - that is fine. She might decide she doesn't want to see his dead body at all, which is also fine. I personally have never looked at a dead body during a viewing or funeral, because I didn't want to. I wanted to have all of my memories of that person be memories of them alive. I don't feel like that has stunted my ability to grieve at all, but like I said, it's a personal choice. Just support whatever she chooses to do, and if she keeps fielding you questions about whether or not she should look, gently encourage her to look inside for those answers. Only she knows what is right for her.

Good luck, and again I'm sorry your family has to go through this.

It is really up to her every one has there own way of closure after a death. I guess for me I always wanted to go up to the casket to say good bye. Other people don't want to go up to the casket and like to remember them how they were.It sounds like you are a wonderful big sister and you are there for her and looking out for her in every way.I would just talk to your sister and explain your concern. In the end no matter what her decision is just let her know you are there for her. My thoughts and prayers are with u and your family in this hard time.

I think your sister needs to decide what she wants to do.

Looking at her fiance in the casket may be an image she will always remember. Maybe not seeing him for one last time might make her later on wish she did say that final good bye. Talk to her about what she thinks she will want to do. Support her in her decision. What a sad day.

Peace and Love to the both of you. (((hugs)))

I've been to many funerals. Seeing the person in the casket, and if possible, actually buried, can be very, very difficult, but it helps bring closure. It's finality.

If the body was very mangled, then I would say no, but since it's open casket, that doesn't appear to be the case.

Damn. I am so sorry for her loss... :(

It's a personal choice she will ultimately have to make for herself. My opinion? You are always better off remembering someone the way you loved them- alive. I didn't attend my grandparents viewings, but I did go for the services and burials. I needed to see the process /ceremony involved in sending someone along, but didn't want my last memory of THEM to be waxy looking, wearing something they never would have worn in life, and looking so-- empty. I've never regretted my decision. If she feels she needs to be there, maybe have her bring a favorite photo to keep close at hand. Remember him how he was, not how he ended up.

Just my opinion-- this is going to be difficult (putting it mildly) no matter what. My sympathies to her and his family. :(

I think she should see him, I saw my father when I was 18 years old then my uncle a little while after. For me it put closure on his death and he didn't look like plastic he just looked peaceful as if he was sleeping.

that's so sad.

i'm sorry for your loss.

i think that she can look at him.

pro's:

it's the man she loves

last times she'll get to see him.

gets to say goodbye straight to him.

people tend to let go eaiser.

con's: it might make her upset but it's her loved one.