Dungeons and dragons problematic player?

First off, I applaud you for taking up the reins of DM - it's a hard job, but well worth it.

Secondly, I feel for your situation - problematic players SUCK.

Now to the answer. I would recommend talking to him straight up - be direct but turn everything over to YOU and the GROUP - and not at him. Make ZERO accusations.

"Bob, I'd like to talk with you about what we've been seeing at the gaming table. We are all quite uncomfortable with the tenor of the jokes. I don't know how you are intending them, but what we HEAR is horrible sexism and, frankly, we are all uncomfortable when you make the comments. Another thing we are concerned about are the "trumpet" jokes and passing gas. We get it, it's funny - to six year old kids. Unfortunately, it takes away from the gaming experience at the gaming table and makes us all uncomfortable. We'd like to continue to include you at the table, but we're concerned about these matters. Are we seeing this wrong? Is there anything we are missing out on here?"

With this, you are being direct and not accusing him of anything - it's all on what YOU and the GROUP are seeing/feeling.

Now, this will do one of two things: Really tick him off because he is too immature to deal with adult communication and relationships - OR wake him up and he'll try to change... OR (yeah, I know this is the third thing), he'll lie and say he'll change and he won't.

If it's the first, he's out of the group and the problem is solved. If it's the second, he'll mend his ways and stop making the comments and farting. If it's the third, it's time to put on your big-girl DM panties and be outright inventive (some call it mean).

If he makes the comments, are they even CLOSE to being in character? If so, have him offend NPC's who take great offense and put a price on his head. If in public, if he announces a trumpet call and announces the charge - have the city guards arrest him for threats made to nobles in the area.

As an OMG last act of "You should have taken the hint, butt-munch" - you can have the entire NPC community turn their backs on him. No rooms at the inn, nobody will sell him that sword or healing potion, nobody will buy his loot from the dragon's hoard.

And if none of this works, bring the rest of the group in on it. Everyone sits down to play - and the entire group turns to him and tells him to stop or he's out. If he fails to get it then, just tell him straight up that he's out of the group. Don't waiver on this - if it's this bad, he's OUT and won't get back in.

Good luck - and keep us informed!!

Brian Raini