Fiance wants to postpone wedding :( ?

Idea: Then he should have waited to ASK until you were financially stable. He knows you've been planning and presumably was in on those plans, but two months before the date he wants to postpone? After you've been engaged for a year and a half already? How much more stability is he thinking will be in place in three additional months?

Presumably you already have deposits for wherever the wedding is to be held, to say nothing of your two very pregnant bridesmaids' dresses to consider. I fail to see real reason for delay - unless he's putting off for reasons of which we aren't aware.

I think there is a middle ground here, between a dorm room and a house. If you can get out of your lease expediently next month, the two of you should be looking for a short term or month-to-month lease on a medium apartment. Large 1 br or small 2 br or something. Then you have a place to move into as a couple, and you have the kind of time you apparently need to get your credit right for a favorable mortgage rate.

The glitch with the mortgage is NOT a reason to postpone the wedding. If you both have jobs and not a huge amount of debt, then you ARE more financially stable than most young couples. He ought to stop worrying and decide if he wants to marry you or not. You've been engaged a year and a half and have committed to this wedding. Unless there's a better reason he chooses not to marry you, get married.

By the same token, the dresses are not a reason to NOT postpone a wedding, if there's a real reason to do so. A couple hundred dollars on dresses now is nothing compared to a lifetime mistake. But this does not sound like what it is. I think he's nervous about sharing such a small space until the mortgage issue is worked out, so you should instead marry in May and move into a different apartment until you are able to be approved for a mortgage.

Many couples rent for YEARS until they can get a mortgage, so he really has no reason to focus on that.

If it helps any, I think you dodged a bullet on buying a house together. Every expert out there - from financial advisors to couples counselors - begs people not to do this until they are married. And there are good reasons for this. In far too many cases, the couple is starting to accumulate the trappings of marriage without being married. If you buy a home with him, he'll have the "wife" and the property - all that's left is a couple kids. In an unstable relationship like this, you're giving him the things guys get married to HAVE. This rarely works.

So regardless of anything else, you need to dump this idea. Don't ask him WHY he wants to wait until you've bought a house. Tell him why you won't do this, and then start much better communications. It sucks that you got this far in the wedding planning, but in the interest of honesty, you shouldn't have. There are some big disconnects between the 2 of you right now, and this type of thing should be resolved before getting engaged, let alone planning the wedding.

You need to postpone the wedding and then initiate a long, honest convo with him. Parts of it might be scary, but all of it is stuff that should have been dealt with before. You need to know if he sees you in his future, and you need him to be completely honest. This is far more important than buying flower girl dresses, and you may have gotten too caught up in the wedding at the expense of the marriage.

I would wait to hear what he has to say this weekend. Maybe there are other issues that he hasn't shared with you yet. By already living together for 4 years, you and he have had a preview of what your married life would be like. You don't want to force a marriage on someone who is truly not ready. It sounds like he is afraid of the committment. Up until the point of marriage, he is free to chose to leave if he wants. After a wedding it is more difficult. But he could just be getting cold feet. I think you need to look at and put some serious thought into the questions you are asking in your post. Some of those only you can answer truthfully. I tend to agree with your sister. You've already lived together and are past the honeymoon stage, what she is calling the "wedded stage" is the true test of the commitment to a marriage. Listen with your head and your heart when you have a chance to talk this weekend. No one should get married if they have any reservations at all about it.

What do you mean, "what should I do?"

He doesn't want to get married in May. You can't force him into it. If he wants to postpone, and if you want to go through with the marriage, then you need to wait until he's ready.

However, it's pretty crappy of him to wait a year and a half before suddenly deciding that he's not ready for marriage. It doesn't sound like any of these monetary issues just suddenly sprang up within the past month.

I get that he'd be unnerved by your change of plans in getting a house, but I don't really see an issue with the two of you sharing a one-bedroom one-bathroom apartment for three or four months.

You need to sit down with him and talk about what's really going on.Go to counseling if need be. Sit down with all of your bank statements and bills in front of you, make a detailed budget about your finances, and decide how long it'd take you to pay off any debt and get yourselves ready to make a down payment on a house.

There's nothing wrong with him wanting to be financially stable before marriage, but it's bullcrap that you only have a few weeks left and he's just NOW deciding that it's a bad idea. I suspect something else is up here.

If you're both not on the same page, then break it off with him. It's FAR better to call of a wedding than it is to get a divorce. FAR FAR better.

He's supposedly trying to be practical about the money. If you've already paid for everything for your May date, then postponing it would cause a huge money loss. That's not practical at all.

This really does worry me, though. If he truly wants to marry you, he should want to marry you today if something caused that need. If he truly loves you, waiting a few months for a house should not in any way make him want to postpone it. It just doesn't make sense. What happens if the loan falls through? What happens if there are foundation problems or a tree falls on the house before you move in? Is he ever going to marry you?

It really, truly sounds to me like there's something else behind this. He may just not be ready yet. The house isn't a big enough issue to realistically waste all that money and postpone the wedding when everyone has already made plans and the invitations have been sent. You really, really need to talk to him now and find out what's really going on.

This seems like an excuse masquerading as concern for your future. Speaking in terms of financial practicality, throwing away all the money you've spent on the wedding is just plain stupid. Yes, it would be great if your finances for your house were worked out before you got married, but life doesn't always work that way. It's not an excuse to throw the baby out with the bathwater. There's no such thing as getting married at the perfect time. Stuff will always pop up and you just have to deal with it. That's how life works in general. If your finance's immediate reaction is to quit everything when something isn't working out in his favor, that's a bad sign. And, to answer your question, no, there's nothing wrong with living in a small space while things get sorted out. It's doable and you'll live. My fiancé and I lived in a cramped city studio for six months while we were in college and we lived through it just fine. You'll put stuff in storage and learn to live in close quarters. It's not the end of the world. IMHO, this sounds like cold feet and a thoroughly bullheaded man. He needs to figure out why he's really pushing to delay things this close to the wedding, and he needs to learn that things aren't always going to go as planned.

I think he is trying to be practical and he is also probably a bit scared. I mean getting married is a HUGE thing. Talk to him. Tell him that the practical thing is getting married when you planned since stuff is done and paid for. Make it clear that if that isn't the whole reason then he needs to explain it to you. I DO understand him not wanting to be cramped in a small place right after marriage and maybe he has this romantic notion of carrying you over the threshold of your new home in your dress.

There is NEVER a 'perfect' time to get married... unless one is independently wealthy, and has one's money in gold bullion locked away where NO ONE can get it, there is no such animal as financially stable...even the rich risk loosing it all...

...when The Hubs & I married we had to live apart for almost 7 months before I could join him....he was based in TN while I was based in NY....I had to wrap up loose ends plus there were personal situations that needed attention before I could make the final move...it was difficult but we accepted the situation. Now we could have post phoned our marriage easily since it was a simple Town Hall/Judge ceremony and a home reception with a small guest list but we decided we wished to make the final commitment there and then rather than wait the 7 months...and everything turned out just fine and dandy...

Two can very easily live in a one room studio with the rest of the stuff kept in paid storage in the short term.....plus it will enable you guys to save for that house loan since there will be only ONE residence (yours) to pay for rather than two (yours and his),& the bigger the down payment the smaller the loan....and then you won't have to worry about the non-refundable monies already spent for the up coming wedding, plus your girls will not have to go thru the expense of buying new dresses since their post pregnant shapes will NOT fit the dresses they have now anymore than their late pregnant shapes will....and you can't stop your flower girls from growing.

Sounds like more than cold feet dear....sounds like he wants a quick OUT of the marriage, never mind the wedding. If I were you I would say no marriage, then no house loan as you will NOT borrow money with him unless you are his legal WIFE BEFOREHAND.....period.

You're worried about having the perfect wedding. He's worried about being financially stable. He wins.

You described a studio apartment. In many states, it is illegal for more than one adult to live in a studio.