Yahoo 知識+ 將於 2021 年 5 月 4 日 (美國東岸時間) 停止服務,而 Yahoo 知識+ 網站現已轉為僅限瀏覽模式。其他 Yahoo 資產或服務,或你的 Yahoo 帳戶將不會有任何變更。你可以在此服務中心網頁進一步了解 Yahoo 知識+ 停止服務的事宜,以及了解如何下載你的資料。
Is this excerpt any good?
I'm writing a zombie book and have reached a certain point, but things seem to be going downhill. Is it just me or is this actually pretty bad?
He could see her approaching from a distance, a little girl no more than seven years of age. Her golden blonde hair and sea green eyes sparkled in the bright sun. Even though she was dripping with blood and dirt, and even though her veins were black as night he couldn't help but notice. The hair, the fragile petite figure. The eyes.
She was an almost identical copy of his little sister.
As she drew closer he examined her carefully, she was a mess, a monster of mass destruction, but he could not help but feeling extremely sympathetic. Her pleading eyes reached out to him in a way only his sister could. So he wasn't all that shocked when he fell to his knees and tears started streaming from his eyes.
He tried to wipe them off, but the dirt and grime that caked his fingers only made his eyes sting and tear up even more. He looked up expecting the girl to be there, and there she was towering over him. She suddenly didn't look so small and helpless. She lunged and he knelt there apprehensively waiting for the sharp surge of pain to take over his body, as the disease quickly spread. There was nothing. He looked up, his vision still blurred but he was faintly able to see the arrow that hung playfully from her left eye socket, and within second another whizzed over his head and planted itself into her neck.
2 個解答
- 8 年前最愛解答
That sounds pretty good - a nice mix of emotions, sentence lengths and punctuation. And you have paragraphs! When people write without paragraphs, it makes it really hard to understand.
I don't think your story is going downhill - keep up the good work :)
- 8 年前
I think it's really good. It's got plenty of good description and surprises the reader, then leaves them on tenterhooks as to what happens next. I liked the excerpt, even though I'm not really a horror book, kind of person.