ShamcatBarbara

So log story short when I went to send in my essay on mast3rbation techniques (step one realise sea men step 4 organism time) but when I hit send I missed and accidently clicked on one of the asuna nudes stored on my floppy! I tried to fix it by hacking into his email and deleting the message but I accidentally forwarded it to the entire f0ckin teacher distribution list! Even my principal saw the s3xies and now I'm heIIa scared that I'm gonna get written up f0ck me f0ck u wut to i do???

So I recently bought a male tabby cat and everything seemed fine until one night he walked back into the house from one of his daily neighborhood meandering covered in s3men and cat saliva so the only logical assumption was that he was going around banging other cats so I set up a security camera in te neighborhood to monitor and sure enlightened he was going Into old lady geromina's back yard and having a cat orgy with all those slutty female Siamese felinuses so how do I make him less h0rny?

So I've gotten sick and tired of playing it like a pussy and using the condams during my sexy time so is it ok if I get a ******* without wearing one I don't wanna get herpes from my girlfriend so PLZ tell me I won't cuz don't tell anyone but I actually already did go "raw meatstick" on her and recieve oral unprotected so I guess the real question is whether or not I ALREADY DO have herpe?

I went to go protest the ban against crystal m3th that the administrators at my 2nd graders school imposed on the students but one guy got to zealous with his protesting and threw his pocket sign at the principle but he blamed it on me and now I'm being sued so who the f do I hire as a lawyer, Saul Goldman?

I send d1ckpix to every girl in my school but they all give me "the look" next day at school and not talk to me well now what do I only wanted hot women to date me I'm talking 3 or 7 girlfriends at a time here but I only got a measly F*CKING ZERO so how can I fix this sh*hol of a mess I made?

So we went to the zoo and my 2 year old was happy and all that BS but when witness the girafe 2 year old flip the sh*t and ran away now it won't even watch Freddy Krueger movies with me and neither will it even watch "hot b1tches the sequel" and I can't live without my "hot b1tches the sequel" so want do I do to fix this fear ?

i went to a haunted house to prove to my granmpa that ghost stories are pieces of (explicit). i took my cat shakeel with me cuz they say in the hood that every cat no's wen ghosts be haunten. but wen i entered the house i notice many onion rings scattered across the floor. my grampa got spooked because he heard one time that ghost r sloppy eater. he sprint quickly away to my 1945 model chevrolet. then my cat meow strangely and run to the kitchen. i follow cat to c wut the issue is and wen i enter the kitchen i see a moldy taco lying in the sink. i am utterly astonished to see this so i look in my ghost manuel and find that tacos mean business in ghost speak. upon sniffing the taco my cat hisses and runs to the exercise room. i enter exercise room after cat but cat no there. i spookified to realize he must have been taken by the spirits. i then decide to huhnt for my cat becasue cats r sacred in the rituals of my people. to help in the search i leave and come back a week later with my black freinds from the hood so scarre the ghost off with there muscles. we enter the room where the cat was disapearened only to find my granmpa eating a spaggeti salad. when grampa notices us he sreams loadly and runs away a full speedo back to the laundy room. me and my pals run after him firing our maching guns to slow him down but as he enters the room grampa summons ghost with he spell book he bought from craigslist. then doopliss from paper mario and the booze from lugi mansion plus a transgender witch come to attack us. we fire our guns, but it it useless as the ghost paralyze us with fear. dooplis say "u done for now slick" so we run away and my grampa was never seed of again. we call police but they say ghost no real so my friend will smith who was with us at what i will call "the grampa haunting incident" told me to post on yahoo ansers an carion coiyyoteis there wil help. now i expect good anser from u peepl. anyway i have to end the transmission here grampa is calling.

my grampa recently played grand theft auto and was inspired by it. he asked me to take him to the hood wher he can learn to be all gangsta. i reluctantly say ok because i no he will ban me from playing super mario sunshine if i turn him down. when we arrive at the ghetto 3 gangsters walk up to us with aggressive facial expression on their faces. my grampa sees this as a challegne to he manliness and whips out his WWI rifle. the fires the rifle at the lead gangsters foot and scares him away. his underlings however proceed in shanking my grampa and scares him away to hiding in the garbage disposal box. they run after him to finish the job but i pull out my sniper rifle and 360 no scope them as they run after grampa. when i tell him the coast is clear he says he felt like an uber hi adrenaline rush, and wants more action. he divorces his wife so she wont drag down his new way of life, then moves to chicago and tries to join a gang. they deny he request because of his frail old body so he gets angry with revengeful rage. he goes to the black market and buys nuclear weapons to bomb their hideoat, but is quickly arrested by the cops for illegal weaponry possession. my grampa is angry at being in jail, so he pulls a rocket launcher out he anus and blows a hole in the wall and runs ,never to be seen again. what should i do now?

so recently i visited a haunted house and lost my cat there but just earlier he came back after being gone for a whole month. at first i was happy to see him but i quickly realized that something was off. first of all whenever my little pony comes on tv he hisses and sprints away to the toilet, where he proceeds to have a hairball attack and coughs it up in the toilet. i punish him by throwing him in the lake, but then he starts flying and spits chicken nuggets at me!!!! scared, i call my uncly joe (proffesional cat wrangler) to handle the issue. when he sees kitty he says "HOLY F*CK*NG SH*T THAT THERE CAT BE POSSESSED BY THE JIMMINY GHOST OF WWII". i ask him about the ghost he calls "jimminy" and he says that when the nazis took over japan jimminy went to assassinate hitler on a special mission, but hitlers body guards threw a nacho, jimminys only weakness, at him. he had a herod takc and died on the spot. now jimminys ghost appears to have stolen the body of my cat and is using it to haunt the citizens of the local town. i realize the only thing left to do is buy a grenade launcher and shoot my cats *ss hole right out of the sky. i track the cat down and find him in the strip club flirting with my girlfriend. this is the last straw as you can see, so i fire the grenade and the whole club explodes and ends this cats miserable life. so where so i have his funeral?

i went to a haunted house to prove to my granmpa that ghost stories are pieces of (explicit). i took my cat shakeel with me cuz they say in the hood that every cat no's wen ghosts be haunten. but wen i entered the house i notice many onion rings scattered across the floor. my grampa got spooked because he heard one time that ghost r sloppy eater. he sprint quickly away to my 1945 model chevrolet. then my cat meow strangely and run to the kitchen. i follow cat to c wut the issue is and wen i enter the kitchen i see a moldy taco lying in the sink. i am utterly astonished to see this so i look in my ghost manuel and find that tacos mean business in ghost speak. upon sniffing the taco my cat hisses and runs to the exercise room. i enter exercise room after cat but cat no there. i spookified to realize he must have been taken by the spirits. i then decide to huhnt for my cat becasue cats r sacred in the rituals of my people. to help in the search i leave and come back a week later with my black freinds from the hood so scarre the ghost off with there muscles. we enter the room where the cat was disapearened only to find my granmpa eating a spaggeti salad. when grampa notices us he sreams loadly and runs away a full speedo back to the laundy room. me and my pals run after him firing our maching guns to slow him down but as he enters the room grampa summons ghost with he spell book he bought from craigslist. then doopliss from paper mario and the booze from lugi mansion plus a transgender witch come to attack us. we fire our guns, but it it useless as the ghost paralyze us with fear. dooplis say "u done for now slick" so we run away and my grampa was never seed of again. we call police but they say ghost no real so my friend will smith who was with us at what i will call "the grampa haunting incident" told me to post on yahoo ansers an carion coiyyoteis there wil help. now i expect good anser from u peepl. anyway i have to end the transmission here because grampa says that he is tired of waiting to tell me he new ghost story.

i need u to tell me if this rap is good im doing a shcool project so help plz thanks.

i wnt to the hood to get some crack but then i was appraoched by the po o lice!

money!

but just as the cops were gunna shot me down, i was saved by my ****a *** ***** jacquis!!!

money!

after jackiws beet those **** hols down, he said to go get some meth

money!!!

i asked y to get the meth, n*gga say, it make u get hi!!!

monjey!

so i went to teh drug lab in co lo ra do o do!!!!

money!!!

but tehy day no meth here yo!!!

money!!!

i get mad and beet thos *ss hols down

money!!!

cuz tehy day...

MOney!!!

dont mess wit a ***** an he drug!!!

money!!!

cuz they say

My grmpa saw jimmy neurtron on disney and he wont stop waching it because it remind it of being a soldier in ww1 so hes hogging the couch and wont get his old as* hol of i want ro wach my little pony so how do i break grampas jimmy nutron addiction?

I trvels throgh tim from yere 2203 to study teh lif of th negrows in teh 21 centry gethos but tim mashin broke so i stuk in gheto now plz tel me how escpe i nede get bak to me tim or els tim princes wil send me to jale for fale in gheto sry for horidble engisl but humams no spake englias enymor in 2203

I trvels throgh tim from yere 2203 to study teh lif of th negrows in teh 21 centry gethos but tim mashin broke so i stuk in gheto now plz tel me how escpe i nede get bak to me tim or els tim princes wil send me to jale for fale in gheto sry for horidble engisl but humams no spake englias enymor in 2203

i dreamed abot my cat it slaped me 534 times exactly i counted but my grampa (age 102) always sed if i have dream wer cat slap me 534 tims it mean i wil get teribl std i no want std wut do i do santa told me wen i wuz 5 if i get std i no get present on easter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also my cat mite need medical help